Arrogance (thoughts/comments/suggestions/advice appreciated)

I'm completely well now. No longer helping with the kachinas-in-training, though. I thought I'd be glad about that, but it turns out I miss the little cretins, even that brat who would never do anything right.

Thanks, SAge, for saying that in the comment. Do try telling that to the others. *looks grim* They seem completely irritated with my skill. Just because I dance better than they do does not mean I'm trying to make them look inferior. Even if they are.

Alright, I'll admit that last sentence might have been out of line. But one can put up with this sort of thing for only so long. Flicker has started ignoring me, and Sparkle is constantly trying to show me up. She can't, and she usually ends up looking foolish trying. Her loss.

Flare is always making snide remarks about me. Everything that comes out of her mouth is designed to bring me down. She disguises the spite by saying she's joking, but everyone knows she isn't. At first it just surprised me, then it hurt me, now it's just getting old. At the very least she needs some NEW insults. She's resulted to recycling .

Firefly is most irritating of all. She turns everything into a lesson on pride. She thinks she's being incredibly clever and subtle, but it's ridiculous. We'll walk into a room with a beautiful tapestry and she'll say things like, "Hmm, I bet this thread in the middle thinks it's better than the ones on the edges."

I like to irritate her back by missing her point: "Well, threads can't really think..."

Or make my own point: "But I guess if threads could think, the middle thread would probably think itself better. Seeing how it's in the middle, the center of the entire design, the focal point of the entire room, the most beautiful thread in the whole piece. I guess it has a right to think itself better."

Even Coal seems glad I'm getting a hard time. He inserts his own mocking comments whenever possible, and readily laughs at Flare's insults. What a traitor.

Comet is the only one who understands. She doesn't seem to think it's such a crime to be a better dancer.

If this is some stupid ploy to bring me down and make me realize my "faults", it won't work. I can swear that to you. If I'm anything at all, it's stubborn.

Now, I understand that I come across as very arrogant. I understand that. But why can't anyone under stand me? IT'S NOT ARROGANCE IF IT'S TRUE! I am a better dancer! I am better than the others! No, that doesn't give me a license to brag, but it doesn't mean I have to pretend to be on their skill level!

Thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I see we have a new follower. Welcome, Cowgirls.

I'm Back

Hello. I'm alright now. There are some pretty significant scars running around my back, but I'm doing alright. I've been back to dancing for a couple of days. It feels great! I missed it so much. The Fire Lord seemed like he was in a fairly good mood as well, so that helped.

I saw Coal in the hallway. He asked how I was doing, but I completely ignored him. He's so smug about this whole thing. It's like he feels as though he's got some sort of control over me. I hate it and I hate him right now. Not for turning me in, just the way he's acting about it...Maybe that doesn't make any sense.

Anyway, I'm able to post now, so you should be hearing from me again soon. Thanks for your thoughts over the past few weeks.

P.S. Gee, Flare (I just read the last post). Thanks for the heartfelt sympathies. I'm really not as bad as she makes me out to be. I don't brag THAT much and, really, is it such a crime to be the best kachina?

Ember Update

This is Firefly, Ember's older sparktressling.

Don't be upset, Ember is not dead, but she can't post because of the pain.

She'd like me to tell you that the Fire Lord had her flogged with fire ropes. She'd also like me to tell you that she is quite lucky. The Fire Lord would have killed her without a doubt if he had heard the entire story. Coal did not tell him everything. He merely reported seeing Ember leaving her room, not that she overheard anything from the spies.

I just want to say how upsetting this entire situation is. Ember is in more pain than I've ever seen her in. She is not even speaking, just tears running down her cheeks sometimes. The Fire Lord did not even send any sort of medicine to ward off infection. I know this is justice, Ember disobeyed the rules, but it's very difficult to watch. I hope to the Fire Lord she recovers swiftly.

Today

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I think I'm going to be sick. I'm shaking, I'm cold, and I've barely said a word this past hour.

The strangers are gone; the Fire Lord has announced that everyone is free to move about the Palace again.

Which means Coal has had his chance to report me.

I've never been so afraid in my whole life. What was I thinking?? How could I have been so foolish as to disobey the Fire Lord? And get caught, too! Of all the stupid things to do, spying on the spies must be at the top of the list.

My eyes are bright green and I'm breaking out into a cold sweat.

Will the Fire Lord kill me? Or only have me flogged? Or branded! I've heard of him doing that. There used to be a page sparker around who had all sorts of brand scars on his back, marking his shame. He was a complete rebel for who-knows-why and he was executed two springs ago.

Surely the Fire Lord won't kill me! I've never done anything like this before! But his temper has been so short of late, and with the talk of rebellion last month or so, I'm sure he's more likely to kill than ever.

But under all this fear there are other feelings. Feelings not timid at all. There are feelings of determination and still curiosity. If the Fire Lord does not have me executed, will I try this again?

...

I can't say. The fear of death is too close now. But I'm still somehow curious, so painfully curious. Coal knows so much, and I know so little. It's too unfair to be borne! I want to know things! I hate being blinded!

Who knows what's to come. Not me.

I do not know of any gods to pray to, but if you do, please pray for me.

And pray also that those words never come back to the Fire Lord. To pray to or worship anything but him would lead to death without question.

Commands, Coal, and Caught! A Very Long Post, But Worth Your Time, I Think

I spied.

I may never do it again.

We awoke the sound of the alarm gong, loud and clear.

You know those certain sounds that make your skin crawl, your stomach jump, and something at the back of your mind just flinch? The warning gong is one of those sounds. It means one of three things:

1. The Palace is under attack.
2. Someone inside the Palace has been arrested.
3. The Fire Lord wants to see everyone front and center.

There are different patterns for different emergencies. After flying awake in a mild panic, my first response was deadly quiet, listening for the gong sequence...

The Fire Lord was summoning all Palace slaves.

If you don't know this already, when the Fire Lord calls you to do something, you do it before he's even finished his command. Of course, this command was a bit harder to fulfill on the part of us kachinas; we not only have to react quickly with the rest of the slaves, we're expected to look good while we do.

I've never dressed and combed my hair that quickly. I opted to omit the makeup, which still takes us five minutes at least, even with years of practice. (For all you who are interested in what our daily makeup looks like, click HERE and HERE. Of course, it's more elaborate for special occasions: HERE and HERE.)

After throwing on some clothes, we ran down the hall and into the dining hall. Most of the other slaves were already there. So was the Fire Lord. He so rarely comes into the slave areas; everyone's eyes were green (except the spies', of course).

I won't bore you with the details; in short, the Fire Lord forbade anyone from leaving their quarters until further notice. No one dared to ask how we were to eat, though I'm sure we were all wondering. The Fire Lord didn't even make an exception for spies. That surprised everyone, especially the spies. Their usually unreadable faces held hints of irritations and suspicion.

The Fire Lord dismissed us, and we all hurried back to our rooms.

"Do you think this has anything to do with the strangers?" Sparkle asked, the moment we were back in the kachina keep.

"Of course it does!" I cried impatiently, sitting on the bed. I glanced at myself in the mirror and made a face. I hate how I look without makeup. I've worn it everyday for so long I feel naked without it. I got up and began applying eyeliners and paint.

Firefly rolled her eyes. "Ember, we aren't going to see anyone for goodness-knows-how-long. Your pretty face will be quite wasted."

"Yes, we won't be seeing Coal," Flare said, her voice taunting. I snarled at her and went back to tracing my eyes.

"How are we supposed to get food?" Sparkle grumbled. "I'm already hungry."

"You don't suppose there's any danger, do you?" Flicker asked nervously.

"I expect there's some," Firefly answered, eying my makeup with a frown. "Ember, really, you're using up valuable paint."

I ignored her. I suddenly realized why I was putting on makeup.

I was going out, of course.

I did not intend to follow the Fire Lord's command for once in my life. I was curious, too curious to bear, and I was not going to miss whatever excitement was out there.

"I bet the strangers are..." Sparkle murmured. She didn't really have an answer, we all knew that. She thinks out loud a good deal. We've all learned to ignore her. If she wants us to acknowledge her, she has no problem screaming so in our ears.

"Long-lost relatives," Flare suggested, a gleam in her eye. "The Fire Lord has family!"

We all stared at her with incredulous expressions.

"Really, Flare, everyone knows what happened to the Fire Lord's family," I said with disgust. Flare frowned and shrugged.

"I was only speculating," she insisted. "Where's your sense of fun?"

I smiled inwardly. Oh, I planned to have some fun.

Before long, I finished applying my daily makeup and eyed the window causally. Our room is on the ground floor. The Palace is only one floor except the dungeons below and a tower on either end of the building. The curtains fluttered in the light breeze. (We have shutters, but we only use them in the rain.)

"I have to...um...you know what I mean," I said awkwardly, looking at the window pointedly. Firefly saw through that right away.

"What are you talking about, Ember? We've been here all of a quarter shadowmark," she said. I shrugged.

"My body doesn't tell time," I retorted simply, walking over to the window. "I'll only be a minute."

"Ember!" cried Flare, her eyes gleaming. "What if someone sees you?" She giggled. "What if Coal sees you?"

For a moment, my eyes actually flashed to green.

Oh, really, Ember, I scolded myself. You know very well you aren't really planning to "relieve yourself". I shrugged. "I'll have to risk it."

I leaped easily over the sill (it comes to about my waist) and dropped the yard or so to the ground.

"What if you get caught?" I heard Flicker hiss. Without replying, I took off at a dead run. I didn't know where I was going exactly, but I ended up under the spies' window.

I'm not sure how long I expected that to last. Definitely not as long as it did...

Asher: "I don't know why the Fire Lord's restricted us as well. We already know everything that's happening anyway."

Blaze: *snort* "Keep your mouth shut, Asher. You only know what we want you to."

Coal: (sharply) "Hi! Are we all spies together or aren't we? Leave him be, Blaze, we're all disappointed."

Blaze: (bitter) "You leave me be."

Silence.

Asher: "Do you suppose this has got anything to do with--"

Coal: "Asher, you've got to start connecting the dots for yourself."

Silence.

Asher: "Well, do you??"

Blaze and Coal: (sharp) "YES."

Silence.

Blaze: "Stop fidgeting, Asher, by the Fire Lord, you've got to learn to hide your feelings. In a real situation you'd be discovered faster than a kachina in a barnyard!"

Coal: "Can you really blame him? Waiting on the outside is awfully difficult."

Blaze: "I don't mean to speak unchecked, but I believe this may have something to do with..."

Coal: "The Pale One."

The Pale One??

Blaze: "Yes."

Coal: "Yes."

Blaze: "You know?"

Coal: "I presume."

Blaze: "Dangerous."

Coal: "What isn't?"

Asher: "What?"

Silence.

Blaze: "So those sparkers and man must be...after all this time..."

Coal: "...they found what they were looking for."

Blaze: "So I presume."

Coal: "Are we to stay here?"

Blaze: "Is that question in honest?"

Asher: "What are you talking about??"

Coal: *snickers* "I say--"

He stopped. My blood ran cold.

I heard the sound of a small spark popping. I swallowed. The spies sometimes use some sort of spark-code to communicate when words will not do.

A few spark-pops answered. I pressed myself against the outside wall. I would have run, but living around Coal had taught me one thing: when in doubt, stay still.

My heart pounded. My eyes pulsed bright green. My palms chilled.

Suddenly I was aware of the shadow moving across my head. Swallowing hard, I could take the suspense no longer. I looked up into Coal's face, staring at me from the window. Anger would have been easier to take; the perfect stoniness was worse. He disappeared for a moment and then jumped the windowsill, landing lightly right in front of me. Blaze was right behind him. I tried to stare back at them with the same coldness they mastered, but I knew my eyes were still green.

Coal spoke, "What. The devil. Are. You. Doing here."

Just like that, I felt foolish.

"There are too many questions and not enough answers of late. I wanted to fix that."

"By directly defying the Fire Lord," Coal finished. I shuddered. Yes, that was obvious. And now Coal would turn me in. Of course he would. It was his duty.

"Well, what were you plotting to do?" I snapped. Coal's face was unreadable.

"I don't know what you mean."

My lip curled. "Of course you don't. The injustice of this entire situation. You will report me to the Fire Lord for doing precisely what you were intending to do. Of course, if I were to attempt to turn you in, the Fire Lord wouldn't believe me."

A hint of humor crept into Coal's eyes. "Yes. Now forget everything you heard about our sweethearts and go back to your room. I'll tell the Fire Lord about your little misdemeanor when all this is over."

"Sweethearts!" I scoffed. "Unless one of your sparktressfriends' name is 'the Pale One' I--"

Me and my big mouth. Coal's eyebrow shot up as he heard exactly what he was fishing for. He nodded slowly.

"So that's where you came in." Even with all his spy training, a hint of anger tinted his tone. "We'll be sure to mention that to our Lord as well. I'm sure he'll have some way of making certain you don't forget your place next time. Go."

I swallowed my pride as much as I could and ran.

What a truly horrible day this has been. I had to tell the other kachinas what happened, but I kept the information about "the Pale One" to myself. I'm not completely suicidal, you know.

I do not even want to think about what will happen when Coal tells the Fire Lord about all this. Coal is wonderful, but unfailingly loyal to the Fire Lord in every way. When he is in spy mode, there is little I fear more.

Coward

I know it's been another long time. I'm sorry. I'm still not sure what's going on the Palace. I've been doing too much talking and not enough doing. I've got to really start snooping.

Coal and Blaze have been back for a few weeks now. They're so different. Whatever is amiss in the Palace is making them act strangely. Coal is back, but it's almost like he's still not here. He doesn't look at us kachinas, talk to us, even smile at us anymore. And there's some new sparktress slave who's after him. I don't know what happened to him in Brightwood, but he's different and horrible. I haven't even attempted to ask him what's going on. I'm sure he wouldn't tell me, if he even answered me at all.

I got upset at a little kachina-in-training last week. She was being unbearably defiant and telling me I was dancing wrong.

Yes, she said that to me. After four hours of her rubbing on my nerves, her accusing me of dancing wrong was the last straw. I ended up yelling at her and making her stay after training to do extra conditioning. No one much cared (except her, of course), but now we're apparently mortal enemies. The little seven-year-old is making my life miserable. She talks constantly during training, refuses to do steps right, and her form is so terrible even Coal could see it! If she ever wants to get anywhere as a kachina, she had better improve awfully quickly. I'm not sure she knows what happens to unless kachinas...I'm not even sure I know...

Tensions, tensions, tensions. I'm curious, but also cowardly. I never thought of myself as being cowardly before, but the idea of actually sneaking around the Palace spying makes my stomach knot. I've no idea what would happen to me if I were caught. I'm sure I don't want to find out...

I'm such a miserable, impatient coward. As usual, any and every comment is welcome.

Determined

It's been a long time yet again. I'm sorry.

Coal and Blaze not back yet, but they should be back within the week. Hooray! I haven't gotten used to his not being around. I miss him.

There is a growing sense of discontent in the Palace. Everyone can feel it, no one can pin-point why or when it started. Executions of peasants are coming at an absolutely alarming rate. Every couple of weeks someone is executed. The spies are poking into everything, in the Palace as well as the village. I've completely given up on keeping a journal, this blog is all I have now. Nothing is secret, nothing is safe.

I can't figure it out. I haven't heard any talk against the Fire Lord lately any more than I have before. Everyone respects and fears him as always. There doesn't seem to be a reason for all the sneaking around and knotting stomachs.

I must assume then that the Fire Lord is doing a remarkable job of keeping the issue secret. Something must be wrong. Unease, executions, and unexplain arrests don't just happen, there's a reason. What's going on?

I know it isn't my business.
I know I should pry into the Fire Lord's affairs.
I know these things are best left to spies and soldiers.
I know good sparktresses don't meddle in things like this.
I know I've been raised better than this.
I know.
I know.
I KNOW.

But I'm curious. Maybe that's a bad thing, maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's just a thing. But I'm going to get to the bottom of all this ridiculous strife if it kills me.

I Miss Coal

I.

Miss.

Coal.

Blazings.

Is it too much to expect him to send a letter to the poor kachinas stuck in the Palace with nothing to do except dance for the Fire Lord who is always ungrateful and in a bad mood?

*looks horrified*

Did I just say that?

The Fire Lord isn't really ungrateful or in a bad mood, he's just under tremendous pressures lately. I'm guessing. No one will tell the poor ignorant kachinas anything. We're just here to dance and look good and keep quiet and out of the way.

*looks horrified again*

Not that I don't love being a kachina. I really, truly, honestly do. Dancing is the most wonderful thing in the world. It fills me with adrenaline, joy and helps me think deeper thoughts. Moving with the music is like feeling my heart beat. The feeling when I preform a difficult move is like no other. I love being a kachina. I do. I DO.

I just don't like dancing for the Fire Lord.

No, I do. I love the Fire Lord. I guess. I don't know. He just hasn't been very lovable lately. Maybe I would understand if someone would tell us things, but no one tells us anything around here. I hate being uninformed. At least Coal would tell us the general idea of what was going on.

I miss him so much. So much. It's the first thing I realize when I wake up in the morning, the last thing I think about at night. We haven't seen him since the middle of August. That's three weeks! You can't possibly understand how awful it is without him. It's terrible.

And NO, I am NOT in love with him. I am not.

I know this post wasn't anything new, but I felt like I ought to say something.

If you read this, do you have any advice? How can I stop missing Coal so much? How can I get to accept the fact that we're just kachinas for the Fire Lord and no one tells us anything?

(I don't think I will ever accept that, actually. Never. I don't think I even want to try. We're fire fairies, too, even though we're just slave kachinas! We have just as much right to speak up as anyone! Don't we? Do we?)

Terrible

Sorry, SAge, for not posting! *laughs* I can't believe anyone actually likes reading about my life.

I didn't have much to say until a couple of days ago, but now I think I can think up enough for a post.

Well, it's beginning to cool off a bit in Furier. I've been spending a lot more time outside; the weather does feel nice, although I still prefer summertime, and I hate to see it leave.

Unfortunately, aside from the weather, things have not been going well in the Palace at all. The Fire Lord is so on edge of late that no one dares distrurb him for anything.

The sickness that was sweeping through Furier has not gotten worse, but it hasn't gotten better either. Flicker and Firefly got it last week, so now I'm the only one who hasn't gotten it. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

*moan* I'm sorry, but this is going to be a long, complaining post, I think.

Back to the Fire Lord being on edge. I think it's still because of the rebel peasants, but that was weeks ago! The Fire Lord has never seemed this upset about peasants before. And he took care of the resistance, right? So what is there to worry about? I haven't heard anything more about peasants wanting to rebel, so he ought to just relax. No one would dare oppose him, not seriously. It would be pure suicide! And he's not that bad, really. Strict, yes, but a ruler of such a great city MUST be strict. Mustn't they?

Blaze and Coal are still in Brightwood. Reports from them come every few days. As far as I can tell from snatches of conversations and gossip, the woodland elves in Brightwood are living and acting just as they always have been. They're supposed to be very small, rosy and cheerful and not like to make trouble. I haven't actually met one before, though, so I can't tell you first hand.

I do miss Coal. And Blaze, too, although I'm not sure I've completely forgiven him for reading my diary. I hope he hasn't told Coal that I used to think I was in love with him...Anyway, not having Coal around really is just terrible. The other kachinas don't seem to understand me when I say I miss him. I miss him coming around to talk to us; I miss being able to ask him questions about what's going on, or what something means; I miss knowing that as long as he's around, nothing will get past him (he knows everything about everyone. I don't see how it's possible); I miss him chasing us off when we try to spy on him; I miss everything about him!

And I am NOT in love with him! Don't even think that!

We also have a bunch of new kachinas. *rolls eyes* Like they can ever hope to replace us! We're getting better all the time, and that's not even possible. They are terrible! They can barely do a straddle leap, and they can't even make firestrands the right way. Who in the world put them into kachina training? They will never be as good as us.

So, over all, my life is not going well. The summer is ending, the Fire Lord is in a terrible mood, Coal is gone, I just keep waiting to get sick, and we have a bunch of new little kachinas-in-training. Things can't get worse, they have to get better.

Right?

Chaos! Catastrophe!

This is exactly what Flame looks like, only he's obviously not in an iceland, but more like fireland and he doesn't wield a giant snow ax...

I apologize for not posting recently, but Palace life has just been one catastrophe after another.

Catastrophes:

1. Comet got very sick (she's doing alright now).
2. Three more peasants (two humans, one fire fairy) were executed.
3. The Fire Lord got sick.
4. Star Dancer got sick.
5. Flare got sick.
6. A stable sparker asked Flicker if she would court him (we had to say no on her behalf because she was speechless).
7. I got beaten twice in one day, first by the Fire Lord, then by Flame. I might have deserved Flame hurling fireballs at me, though. I did tell his sparktress-friend some things best left unsaid...*grins mischeivously*
8. Coal and Blaze got deported to Brightwood to spy for a while.
9. Life without Coal is horrible.
10. Asher got sick.

Some sort of plague is breaking lose in Furier. It's not deadly, just makes its victim bedridden for a couple of days. So far Flicker, Firefly and I are the only sparktresses in the Palace that haven't contracted it.

Having Coal gone is worse than we all thought it would be. I miss him just coming by and joking with us, and I especially missed him when Flame was chasing me through the halls of the Palace...

So, over all, life is not doing me any favors. Everyone is either in a bad mood or getting sick.

Thanks for reading, hope your lives are going better than mine.

Sparkanniversaries

Coal's sparkanniversary is in 12 days. *smiles* We kachinas are trying to think of a way to celebrate it. I don't know if the Fire Lord will do anything special for him. Sometimes the Fire Lord will honor his slaves' sparkanniversaries if they're a favorite of his, or if they've done something noteworthy lately.

The Fire Lord usually celebrates Coal's sparkanniversary for both reasons. Coal is so ridiculously charismatic that everyone likes him, and he's almost always uncovering something secret for the Fire Lord.

On the other hand, the Fire Lord has been in a funny mood ever since the execution a week or so ago. No one knows why he had the peasant executed except for a few important slaves. The Fire Lord has been edgy and distracted this week. He beat Flicker yesterday, and Flare the day before. I'm more frightened of him than ever. I don't know what I'll do to set him off.

Back on the lighter note, if you have any suggestions of ways to celebrate Coal's special day on the 14th, let me know!

Blaze

Sorry it's been a while again. I sort of stopped posting because no one reads this, and it's a pain to write down on here if no one is going to read it. Not complaining, just saying.

On the other hand, this is the one place I can put my thoughts that only the kachinas can read. Coal can't read this, Flame can't read this, Star Dancer can't read this, the Fire Lord can't read this. It's nice to have somewhere private.

Especially after what happened yesterday.

What happened yesterday, you ask? (Well, you didn't ask because you didn't read this, but I'll just pretend someone does.)

Blaze found my journal, and read it.

I'm so upset! That sneaky, coniving, no-good, nosey, SPY! (He actually is a spy.) He had no right to do that! There was no reason for him to! I hadn't been disrespecting the Fire Lord or plotting against him. Blaze had no right or reason to do what he did.

Of course he wouldn't be punished for it even if I went to the Fire Lord and told him. Blaze is a spy, which basically gives him free reign of everyone's everything (excepting the Fire Lord, of course).

All my secret thoughts (on everything from costumes to marriage), wishes, hopes, dreams, childhood crushes (including one on Coal), and bits of stories and poems I've written. He read it all! I can't even imagine why he would do that! Blaze isn't as good a friend to us kachinas as Coal is, but he's still our close friend and fellow Palace-dweller. What could his motives possibly be?

I found out when I caught him putting the journal back. I was shocked for two reasons.

Reason One: the Palace spies almost never get caught red-handed (unless they want to for some reason).

Reason Two: the obvious, he was holding my journal.

By look on his face when I cried out and flew for the journal made it clear that Blaze had not wanted to get caught.

"What are you doing?" I cried, lunging for the journal. I was surprised that I actually caught it, and snatched it from Blaze's fingers. I hugged the little scroll against my chest. "How could you? Did you read it?" Blaze blinked, then regained his composure.

"Of course I read it," he said indifferently. "It's my job to know what goes on in the Palace of Furier."

I scowled fiercely, my eyes glowing red. "That does not include prying into my personal affairs, Blaze! You had no right to do this!!" Blaze crossed his arms.

"I did have a right, kachina," he said, calling me by my occupation, something I hate. It's condescending the way he and the other sparkers say it when they're upset. "I have a right to look into anything I feel necessary. You know that."

"This was most certainly not necessary!" I shouted, stamping my foot. "What did you read? Tell me what you read this instant!" Blaze raised his eyebrows.

"I must tell you nothing," he said. "But since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you that I read it all. Every word, every inch."

Hot, angry tears filled my red eyes. I shouted all the insults I could think of, one after the other. Blaze actually seemed shocked at how angry I was, and it's hard to shock a spy. He just kind of shrugged and left the kachina keep. I slammed the door behind him and cried tears of pure rage for a while.

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but it was to me. My journal was my one sanctuary, my one private place.

I told Coal what had happened later yesterday, and he actually sided with me. He can be so wonderful like that. He went and scolded Blaze something awful about behaving with integrity and a few other things that I never thought I'd hear Coal say in my defense.

That made me feel a lot better, because something about having Coal on one's side makes the whole world brighter.

Traveling in the Heat

We're making very good time on the way to Jules, and we should be there either tomorrow or the day after. Nothing terribly exciting has happened on the journey so far, aside from a few minor accidents, one involving a fireball (I swear, I wasn't aiming for Flame's litter). We aren't running low on treated water yet, which is a very good thing because it's dangerously hot.

The heat has made things absolutely miserable the last couple of days. Especially for traveling over the unoccupied areas of Jeolotoe. There's a small desert region between Furier and Jules, and we just had to cross it during the hottest part of the year. The sun beating down so intensely you can feel your skin soaking up the blistering rays, the water being rationed, your throat always being parched and your lips cracked and dry, walking for shadowmarks a day, riding in a litter for maybe half a shadowmark, the whole journey is just awful.

I'm not really complaining, though. I'm alright with the scorching heat as long as there's Jules to look forward to. And anyway, we fire fairies are much better with heat than humans.

Oh, I have more to tell you, but I have to stop writing now. It's late (at least for a journey night) and Coal is giving me the evil eye for having holding this fireball for light. I'd better say goodbye or he's liable to come over and put it out himself. Thank you for reading, I hope your night is a cooler one than mine.

Shockingly Lucky

We are leaving for Jules today! I'm so excited! But also extremely nervous. On top of having to please the Fire Lord constantly these next weeks, we'll also have to please the Julese Emperor. I've heard he is a strict and harsh man. Although, I don't think he could possibly be more so than the Fire Lord. Not that the Fire Lord is too strict or harsh, just very so.

Yesterday, Flare and Firefly and I dithered outside the door to the throne room for half a shadowmark trying to decide how to ask the Fire Lord for the material for new kachina costumes. Finally, they voted me to be the one to ask him. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or upset.

I knocked, and Flame stuck his head out the door. When he saw us, his expressioned turned sour.

"What do you want?" he snapped impatiently. "Go away. You've not been summoned." I drew myself up, trying to make myself as tall as Flame. (Not even close.)

"We--I'm here to ask him a favor," I retorted. "One that could mean the difference between making a good impression on the Emperor and a bad one. The Fire Lord will want to see me." I wasn't at all sure about that last part, but I decided that there was nothing wrong with showing a little confidence. Flame snorted.

"If you say so," he said. "We'll see, won't we?" I frowned suspiciously. It wasn't like him to give in so easily. He stepped aside and pulled the double doors open. I swallowed hard as I saw the Fire Lord sitting on his throne. He was talking to someone--Coal--in a low, serious tone. My heart stopped and I whirled to glare at Flame, whose eyes sparkled blue. He could have warned me that the Fire Lord was in an audience with one of his spies!

They both looked up when they heard me gasp. The Fire Lord looked furious, Coal looked irritated.

"Why have you interrupted us?" the Fire Lord demanded. "Who called you here?"

"N-no one, my lord," I answered. "I only came to ask--to beg a favor of you. it's important. It could mean the difference between making a good impression and a bad one on the Emperor." The Fire Lord's expression did not change.

"It doesn't matter why you came," he said coldly. "You came. And without being summoned." I was starting to get very afraid until Coal spoke up quietly.

"That rule does not apply, my lord, in emergencies," he pointed out. He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "Any chance this could be an emercency?"

"Um...i-in a way," I said. "It could be. If...yes?" Coal gave me an unamused look before turning to the Fire Lord. The Fire Lord narrowed his eyes.

"Tell me what you are here for and I will decide if it is an emergency," he said dismissively. "Be quick, kachina."

I took a deep breath. "Our kachina costumes are sadly worn and if we showed ourselves to the Emperor in such a fashion, he might very well be offended or at least get a bad impression of what Furier is like. It's an emergency because it takes time to make good kachinas costumes, and we leave for Jules in only a day. And the seamstresses don't have the material to make the costumes, which is why I'm here. If you can't grant me the material for six elaborate costumes very soon, the Emperor of Jules will be displeased."

The Fire Lord and Coal looked at me with almost identical expressions of disbelief and disgust.

"You came here about your costumes?" the Fire Lord said. I blinked.

"Well, yes, my lord...It could be sort of an emergency...or at least urgent, my lord..."

Then something amazing happened.

The Fire Lord chuckled.

He chuckled.

HE LAUGHED!

He said he respected my coming to see him, and that he would send the material to the seamstresses within the hour.

I was convinced I was dreaming for a full hour until Firefly called me in to see the gorgeous fabric the Fire Lord had sent for our costumes. Not even I could dream up something as beautiful as the silk and tassels and jewels he provided.

The seamstresses managed to make our costumes, and the finishing touches are being put on now. We're going to be leaving right after the midday meal. I'm so excited and nervous! (I know, I'm saying that a lot, but it's so true.)

I'll post whenever I can. Thanks for reading!
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Water Poisoning

I'm unfortunately not feeling very well at the moment. I have water poisoning.

I realize that you have no idea what that is for a fire fairy, so I'll explain it briefly. Since water is naturally detrimental to our health, it has to be "treated" with a special smoke chemical. There's a outlying section of Furier called the Smokers' Village where all the smokers live. Smokers are the fairies whose job it is to treat the water that fire fairies drink.

The water is put into buckets and the buckets are packed into huts with fire rings in the center of them. A fire made from some sort of special wood is lit and all the doors of the hut are completely shut and sealed. The water is left in the smokey hut for a day or two and then shipped wherever it is needed.

If a fire fairy bathes in untreated water, the effect is much like getting a cold. If a fire fairy drinks untreated water, something more like pneumonia develops. Usually drinking or bathing in untreated water is just a large inconvenience that lasts anywhere from a couple of days to a week (depending on the situation), but sometimes it is fatal.

The reason I have water poisoning is actually a bit embarrassing because it's my own fault. I was harassing Flame and he got fed up with me. He was standing right outside the supply closet near the torture chamber, so he just grabbed a glass of untreated water from in there and tossed it onto me.

I hate Flame. Always have, always will. He's so arrogant and mean to everyone. He tells horrible lies to the younger guards and slaves just to frighten them, and he's always telling the Fire Lord about things his fellow slaves are doing. He doesn't even know the meaning of loyalty except when it comes to the Fire Lord.

Flame really isn't so different from Coal actually, but somehow Coal is someone that everyone likes and respects while Flame is a hated bully.

I suppose it's all in how they come across. The two sparkers do a lot of the same things, but the way they do them is different. When Coal tells horror stories to the newbies, his eyes have this sparkle that tells you that he's only kidding around. When he reports something you did to the Fire Lord, it's usually out of duty and not out of spite or the desire to cause trouble.

Garden Secrets

Yesterday was a living Hell just as I predicted it would be. We kachinas got no sleep Friday night, and the Fire Lord made us dance for him almost constantly Saturday. If we weren't dancing, he gave us some other thankless task to do. We were so tired that we made many mistakes in everything we did, and he punished us for that as well. I am still sore today.

I was afraid that the Fire Lord might make us stay awake last night, too, but he didn't. I still had trouble sleeping, though. I was too tired to sleep. That's one of teh most miserable feelings in Jeolotoe, let me tell you.

Today was a much better day; a good day even! The Fire Lord was engaged in some matter about a misbehaving peasant for much of the afternoon, so we kachinas were free from duty for most of the day.

We went to see Torchess (we know her because her father sells wine to the Fire Lord) and spent a while with her, helping her with her chores and listening to her stories about which sparker is after her now. Torchess is a beautiful sparktress and well old enough to marry now (she's twenty), so there are sparkers calling on her constantly. Some of the poor fools are really good for a laugh. When she isn't telling us about the love-struck sillies prancing after her, Torchess tells us about the sort of sparker she wants to marry: someone handsome and clever with a sense of adventure. The way she describes her dream husband, I'd think she was sweet on Coal, who's three years her junior. Firefly shares this suspicion, and we had a good laugh about it today.

Then things got crazier!

While Comet and Sparkle and Flicker were off talking to some other younger sparkresses in the Palace, Firefly and Flare and I decided we'd practice our dancing in the courtyard. I love doing that. Usually some Palace slaves and a few villagers will come and watch us. I love to preform, and it's even better when some of them toss us a few coins.

This time, however, we didn't make it to the courtyard. We were distracted when we spotted Coal slipping into the garden behind in the Palace. Well, I saw him. He was so quiet and fast that by the time I got Firefly and Flare's attention, he was gone. They didn't believe me that I'd seen him, but they agreed to go with me and follow him into the garden to see what he was up to

There's a certain thrill that comes with spying on a spy.


All of us expected to get caught almost immediately--we're rarely able to sneak up on Coal with any success--but we weren't. He was so preoccupied that we followed him all the way to the garden's center without him even being aware of our presence.

He sat on the stone bench and just waited for a while. We crouched in the bushes a couple of yards behind him and waited. We were all thinking the same thing: Coal must be unusually deep in thought not to have noticed us by now. We weren't making any noise at all, but somehow Coal is generally able to sense others' presence . Maybe that's part of being a spy.

After less than a quarter shadowmark of waiting, our patience was rewarded. A pretty blonde sparktress trotted up!

I don't know when's the last time I've been so shocked. Was Coal seeing someone??

"Hello," he said, standing up. The blonde giggled. She appeared to be a typical love-struck maid. That sort are always after Coal. Sometimes he'll go after them, too, almost just for fun. The blonde ran the last few steps seperating her and made a fist with each hand, pressing the fireshields in her fingertips to the fireball glands in her palms. (This is the symbol of ultimate trust between fire fairies. Doing that shuts down both our fireball glands and our fireshields, making us incapable of both attack and defense.)

My jaw dropped. This sparktress seemed awfully smitten, almost as bad as the peasant girl who'd chased Coal for a month last summer.

"Hello, Coal." Her voice was sort of...sparkly.

Firefly jabbed me in the ribs. I looked over at her. Her eyes were huge, and so were Flare's. Both of them were on the verge of bursting into laughter. I glared at them. If they revealed ourselves, I would NOT be pleased. And neither would Coal.

It was too late to hiss a warning, though. Coal finally came back to himself and whirled around. We weren't exactly hidden very well, especially not for spy eyes. Coal's eyes glowed red for a moment before he remembered to control them and nudge them back to blue.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was moderately even, but his eyes were giving us his angriest look. He was making sure the giggly sparktress couldn't see his face, though. She would probably have run in terror. Firefly and Flare and I would have, had we not grown used to that look over the years.

"Watching," I answered warily as I stood up.

"We had no idea that you were...I mean if we had known..." Firefly was having a hard time explaining. She isn't really very good under pressure.

"Who's that?" Only Flare had the courage to ask outright. Her eyes glinted as she pointed to the blonde.

"Glow," said the blonde, her eyes wide. "My name is Glow. Why were you spying on us?"

"Yes, you little minions," Coal began, glowering. "Why?"

I flicked my long brown hair over my shoulder.

"Curiosity," I said, looking down at Glow. I would have tried to look down at Coal, but, well, he's much taller than I am. I glanced at Coal. "You don't usually spend much time in the garden. We figured something might be...amiss."

"I'm sure you did," Coal said sarcastically. "Well. Nothing's 'amiss'. You can leave now."

So we did.

But what a funny piece of information, isn't it? Coal seeing a sparktress! This could be wonderful blackmail if he chooses to keep his relationship a secret. Of course, it probably won't last very long. I'm sure that whenever Coal get serious about someone, he won't try to hide her in the garden.

I must go now. Blaze just stuck his head in and said the Fire Lord wants us to come and take his mind off his troubles. I shall write again tomorrow if I can. Thank you for reading!